REMOVING MY ROSE COLORED GLASSES

For the last three days, I’ve been at my son and daughter-in-law’s home watching the four grandkids while my son and his wife enjoy a couple of days together celebrating their 20 years of marriage.

I found myself laughing at the memories of my own life raising four kids.  Being here it is interesting to see how deep my rose colored glasses are when I look back on those days.

Here, I am reminded of how sleep deprived I was.  Getting kids to bed and up at 5:15 a.m. to prepare for their early bus pickup I wonder how they keep their energy with the schedule that they follow. I must say, these four are very independent.  They suddenly disappear to bed at night and getting up has been without a hassle.  I just stayed out of their way and let them do their thing.

Of course that means after they have left for school, I have to go around and put things away, pick up wet towels, close open cabinet doors, clean up the dishes and generally pick up after the tornado passed through.  Yes I remember these kind of days well.

Pat’s grandmother and I use to talk about the differences of motherhood in her time (the early 20’s and 30’s) and our time.  She often said that she wouldn’t trade what she had raising her three sons for what we have as young mothers of today.  “You may have all the great tools to lighten the load, but I had helping hands,” she said.  Her mother and aunt lived next door and  were always there helping to keep an eye on the boys, or help scrub the clothes on wash day.  She was surrounded by conversation and companionship.  “You guys are alone in your journey”, she remarked.  And it is true.

I was a counselor for nursing mothers for nine years and learned quickly how unprepared many of us were in dealing with the addition of infants to our family.  We didn’t grow up surrounded by young families and new babies so for many of us the only image of motherhood and newborns is the commercialized view we see in the ads on TV.  The reality of the crying baby and the messy diapers left many struggling with the stress.

My oldest was 4 1/2 when my 4th child was born. I often felt alone and overwhelmed, especially when Pat was working 16 hours a day at his job. 

So what makes these times seem so wonderful and finding me wishing I could be back in those moments, even when I’m reminded by these past couple of days how tough it can be?  It is the sense of belonging, being needed and living a life with purpose.  That is what I miss.  

No amount of friends can fulfill the role of purpose.  Finding myself alone at the end of the day, is still the hardest part of this new life I am living. Yet, when my son and his wife return I will gladly return to the quiet of my bed and sleep a deep sound sleep and enjoy it all!  It seems I don’t have the energy for so much purpose!