I am coming up on year three of widowhood. What a journey this has been! Our youth allows death to appear remote to us unless it touches us close to home. Preparing for this time I believe is impossible, and I believe surviving this time period is a test of one’s core. We are all born into a family, never alone until for many, we reach this time of life only to find all those that started out with us are, one by one, leaving this earth, allowing for us to stand more and more alone.
Life today is a yo-yo for me. I enjoy being with family and friends—really enjoy it. It is easy today for me to laugh and have a good time. Then the moment comes when it is time to go home. Oh how I miss those moments of conversation that carries the good times on the journey home…”remember so-and-so and how funny?” or “Wasn’t it a great night, boy it was so good to…”
In life as a single, the moment lies dead as soon as you walk through a door. You go home in silence. Once inside your own place, there is just you. You close the door and all you hear are your own footsteps making your way through the house.
When you have that someone to share those moments with, it extends the good feelings. You get to travel in the air of good times. There is a contentment that fills you.
Finding ways to embrace this stage of my life is my biggest challenge today and the one hardest for me to overcome. I must learn to live alone and be okay with it. I cannot spend the rest of my life running from the silence. I must find ways to explore it’s existence for it is with me everyday now. I must seize this moment to find my creative soul. I must make it a positive in my life. I have to in order to survive….no not survive, but live. Complete, with joy in my heart and wings on my feet. That is my goal.
But not today…for today, life lies dead at my door.
