POPULAR SENIOR PAST TIMES? FUNERALS OF COURSE

Spring is sprung

The grass is rizzzz

I’m heading out 

To where all the bodies is….

My way of saying it is funeral time again in the ok corral.  Yes, the 2nd most popular past time of seniors—the first being going to the doctor’s office—is attending funerals.  And I must say the last couple I have been to have turned out to be enjoyable in a macabre sort of way.  

Two funerals ago, it happened in a snow storm.  It wasn’t so much the funeral that was fun, but the people I went with.  Retired hospice nurses all, (well I can’t forget Jim, our lone man of the group) and neither snow, nor sleet, nor hail, or storm could keep these gals from their final destination.  Once the somber event of the viewing and mass was behind us, it was off to a bakery, then Tony Lukes for lunch.  Hardly any cars on the road due to the storm conditions but there we were!  Yes, we were heading home, and we did not make any changes in that direction, as they were just stops on the way.  But imagine the surprise of the owners of the bakery and the workers in the restaurant when they saw four old farts strolling in to their place of business….and just as old people do, said to the bakery owner, “Since we are your only customers are you going to give us a discount?”

And she did, so we cleared out a few items before she shut up shop and gave us free coffee to boot!  Due to her kindness and jovial nature, you know we will be back there again!

Once again I was traveling with the same group plus Jim…only this time it was one of us that lost someone.  In this case it was an ex.  Let me saying losing an ex is not the same as losing a husband.  I don’t know from personal experience, but watching those around me…well let me just say the murmurings  were funny to listen to.  What made this funeral noteworthy, was knowing the background to the family, the stories of how the man lived and especially what he left behind when he died—tie that into the fact that the priest was a boyhood friend of the ex-wife’s family—well, let us just say to hear the priest dance with his words about how this good man is going to heaven, but ever so gently remind us all that we all have sins on us that need to be forgiven.  

I found myself thinking, “be gentle Marlene, for one day you too will die, and when people are sitting mourning or rejoicing your loss, you better hope someone is praying for your sinful soul so that the door to our heavenly father will be opened for you.”

BRIGHT YELLOW LIGHT OF DAFFODILS

The bright yellow light of daffodils

Remind me that March is the beginning.

New life forces it’s way up through the darkness of winter

It also is the ending.

Leaving behind the dark bitter winds, the pain that the storms of living can bring.  

What ends always brings a new beginning

A new beginning will always have an end.

And so it goes, the circle of life.

I am glad to get through this month.  

Remembering the good and the bad,

The happy and the sad.

And that life goes on…and on…and on……….

This I am reminded by the bright yellow light of the daffodils.

TRAVELING ALONE IS A CHALLENGE….FOR THE FAMILY

How does a single person travel alone?  That is the question.  The answer?  Let me count the ways.

Before I die, I want to see more of the United States.  I got a taste of what this country possess when I traveled out to the Grand Canyon with my daughter, and Seattle when I headed up to Alaska and the trip across the Canadian Rockies.  To say it wet my appetite to see more is an understatement.  

But how to travel in today’s world safely, as a single, 68 year old women, is the question.  I have searched the internet for ideas.  I would love to have a travel partner(s) but sending the call out to the world has not enticed anyone to step out and say, “I’ll go with you”, so I must take the bull by the horn and make a plan. 

After searching all the possibilities, I have decided to see what I want to see by train.  I had a taste of a long distance train ride once when I had to take a trip to Raleigh in an emergency.  I was thrilled with how enjoyable the ride was.  I could get up and walk around, go to the diner car, strike up a card game with strangers (I carried a deck of cards), and relax in the lounge seats provided by my first class ticket.

The web sites I have searched about train traveling in the US look very interesting too.  Observation cars are provided in areas where the scenery is special, sleeping cars are available where the travel through the night is the best bet, and hotels and rental cars are available in all the major stops.  Sounds like a plan.

To begin, I could take some close-to-home trips by heading up into the Northeast, an area of the country that is totally new to me.  I long to see the East Coast shoreline above NYC, up into Maine and into Nova Scotia.  I could train it as far as I can go, rent a car, explore the area, stay as long as I like and then return to the train and hop home again.  To answer the concern of the family worries about me wondering around out in the world alone, I could just  text them along the way (when phone service allows), do a daily travel blog, and phone home just like E.T.

Oh let the dreaming begin…

CHILDHOOD FRIENDSHIPS NEVER DIE

Tom, Pat and a friend from work 1966

Most all of us have walked through our life carrying the memory of an old friend within us.  That someone who lived through a portion of our life, leaving an impact and burning that special soft spot in our heart.  I have not had the experience, but I lived it through my late husband, Pat.  He had three friends through his childhood that he carried in his heart with great affection until the moment he died.

John, Tom, and Joe were the first three friends of Pat’s that I met.  I loved to see them together. They had a history, a connection…something, that in my life could only be imagined, never experienced.  I often told Pat how lucky he was, because he could not travel up or down the 309 corridor without bumping into someone who knew him from his childhood.  

John and Pat were close like brothers.  Their love and acceptance of each other was a beautiful thing to watch.  Of course it helped that John married Pat’s sister, but even so, they always carried each other close to the heart and being with John and Lucyann was always such a happy time.  Even distance did not put a wedge in their relationship.  

But Joe and Tom eventually drifted away physically, yet never in Pat’s memory, thoughts or feelings.  Right before he died he made me promise to try and find the two of them and give the message to them that they were never forgotten and how he carried them in his heart always as his best friends and with great affection. It was important to him that they all knew that he loved them.   I promised I would try.

I first found what happened to Joe.  Joe was the Best Man at our wedding.  We quickly bonded as a couple as he too was married.  Through the first four years of our marriage, we spent most all our social time hanging out with Joe and his wife.  Sometime after my first pregnancy, Joe and his wife separated and divorced and our friendship drifted apart.  Life, family and work filled the time available for both Joe and Pat.  Over the years we did get in contact with him once, but Joe was embarrassed about how his wife left him (he was a man of great pride) and we did not stay in contact.  But that did not mean he was forgotten by Pat.  As I went on a hunt for him I decided to search the obituaries and I was saddened to discover he died in 2004.  I called John to share the news of my discovery and you could hear the breath leave him for a moment as he processed the news.

I first met Tom thru Pat at the Navy Hospital at the Great Lakes Navy Base where I worked.  Tom and Pat went into the Navy during the Viet Nam days on the buddy system.  Pat never cared what he did as long as he could do it with Tom.  In boot camp where they filled in their dream sheet of what they wanted to do in the Navy, Pat chose to put down what Tom wanted to do…dental tech.  In the end, Pat was the one who was selected to go to A school for Dental Tech, while Tom ended up in Corp school to become a Medic and eventually off to Viet Nam.  Pat never made it to his school because on the obstacle course he broke his foot which left him unfit for duty and back home to await discharge.  Tom’s schooling was at Great Lakes which allowed for me to get to know Tom through Pat while Pat was in the hospital awaiting orders to return home.  Tom went off to Viet Nam, returned home, attended college and went off to live his life.  Our first born son carries Thomas as part of his name in honor of the love Pat held for Tom.  

I was recently lucky to have come in contact with a cousin of Tom’s who shared contact information for him allowing me to fulfill that last wish for Pat.  When I called John to share the good news of finding Tom, he too was overjoyed, as he had spent part of last year searching for Tom without success.  

We promised to meet up soon and catch up on the life lived between visits…and when we do, I know Pat will be there too with a big smile on his face.