Thursday, June 29, 2017

NO GUNS IN SCHOOL

Pennsylvania Statesmen are trying to get a law passed to allow guns in the classroom.  The idea of guns in schools sends chills through my body.  I have a number of friends who are teachers.  To a person…they don’t want to have a gun in their classroom.  

“Have you ever been in a room with 30 kids, getting their attention, teaching, and making sure everyone is on task?” asked Rae, a teacher of many years experience.  “I have a locked locker in my class where I place my purse, phone, and private things,” she continues, “these kids are so smart I even had one student figure out how to get into my locker while I had my back turned to the class writing on the board, and before I knew it he had reached into my bag and grabbed my phone.  Now imagine a gun in that locker!”  

I don’t want to imagine.  My last job was in a high school setting, and I was an administrative secretary to the Principal that did discipline for 11th and 12th grades.  In all the years I worked at this position, there were only 3 or 4 kids that I was concerned about and in these cases, the kids were on some heavy duty drugs.  The rest were just teen risk takers and I loved them!  

I have been in settings where things got out of control suddenly and without warning.  Put yourself in the back of the classroom, away from a locked up gun, and tell me what good would it do to have that gun in class.  Your instincts are to gather your students, protect your students, and get them to a safe place.  

To our state Congressmen and Congresswoman…tell me if impassioned letters from teachers who lived through the Sandy Hook scenario say over and over again that having a gun in their hand would not have changed the outcome of their event, then what reasoning will you listen to?  If Teachers across this land tell you they don’t want this responsibility in their classroom, then what will you listen to?  If as a parent, I tell you that I don’t want a gun around any group of children, whose curious nature would/could lead them to a tragedy beyond description, then who would you listen to?

I grew up with guns in our home.  And even with the warnings, threats from parents to stay away, there were a couple of moments I remember as a tween…where my brother and I played with and tried to smash a shotgun shell.  When I think back on those acts I think how lucky we were to survive the recklessness of those moments.


I am so saddened by the rhetoric of some of the politicians today.  Common sense is missing.  Voices are quiet and politicians continue this craziness and all I can ask is why?  

Monday, June 19, 2017

LET THE KID OUT AND SQUEAL!


Some people spend their energy in looking for perfection in everyday life.  Not me.  Life has been anything but perfect in my world, but that does not mean it has not been wonderful!  Another example of that happened this weekend.  

I spent the weekend with a friend and his family.  We headed to Downingtown for the community festival which was going to end with a fireworks display.  As we headed toward Downingtown that morning, we hit a lot of rain.  There was some worry expressed about hoping the rain wouldn’t spoil the day.  “Not to worry,” I said, “We will have fun anyway!”  As we got closer to his family’s residence, the clouds lingered, but the rain broke and stayed that way until we headed toward the Downingtown Festival.

As we walked the festival street, off in the distance, we noticed the dark clouds of an incoming storm.  It appeared that it might go around us at first.  More and more people gathered with their lawn chairs in anticipation of the fireworks to come.

As dark set in and the storm clouds threatened we began to feel a drop or two of rain.  Suddenly we noticed the flare of the men setting off the fireworks.  As they began so did the rain.  At first, no one seems to know what to do…run or stay.  While some ran and some had begun to drive away, we stayed when, as the first explosion of fireworks hit the sky the rain came pouring down upon us. We got the clever idea of putting the chairs over our head.

But then in front of me were about four 7 or 8-year-old little girls who began to squeal with delight at the rain coming down on their head and the explosion of color in the sky.  After a bit, I thought.I am going to be like those kids!  I dropped the chair and let the rain soak me like a drowned rat.  With the squeal of those little ones in front of me, I felt the joy of the moment fill me with the same wonderful excitement that would have been there even if the rain had not come.

Yes, I was soaked to the bone.  But you know, there are times when things don’t go quite as planned, we need to act like a kid and squeal with delight at the moment at hand.  Nothing was lost in standing in the rain.  In fact, it was fun to just let it all hang out there…if there had been music, I think I would have started dancing!  


It was a wonderful day that ended in a funny, delightful way, and the truth is, I wouldn’t have changed a thing!

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

ATTITUDE AND CHOICES

A neighbor stopped by to wish me well in the next chapter of life and told me that she is going to miss my laugh and my positive personality.  She asked me how I can be such an optimist with all I have experienced in life.  “Attitude and choice”, I said.  It’s not what has happened to me that matters so much, but choosing my attitude in how I handle things is what is important.  I keep a quote in my wallet by an author, Robert Heinlein who once wrote, “Don’t ever become a pessimist…a pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun—and neither can stop the march of events.”  

Early in life I learned that hanging on to anger or hurt over events out of my control only cheated me out of the life I wanted to live.  It took awhile for me to grasp this idea, but once I did, it became my personal mantra for living life to the fullest.  When you hang on to the dark stuff in life, it not only affects you but those close to you.  In my case, I believed a childhood lost was enough to pay for a life worth living.  The freedom of adulthood, the willingness to accept the consequences of my own choices, and the ability to not run from truth continue to be my guide through the best days of my life.  

Don’t misunderstand, there can still be moments when the emotions of events long past will rise up and show itself to the world, but I am better at recognizing them now than I was as a young girl, and I have learned to let it rise up and then release it.  I am unable to box it up, contain it, stuff it or leave it to grow in a dark corner…no, I have learned not to be afraid of the emotions and understanding the origin makes it easier to handle the present.  The old saying, “truth will set you free” is true for me.  I have learned that dealing with the truth, even when it is painful is so much better to deal with than the secrets and lies. Secrets steal your power.  

Age has given me patience with my expectations.  Accepting that life is not perfect and developing a set of tools to handle those disappointments is critical to living a full life. When I speak to the young woman about self-empowerment I try to convey that self-worth lies within all of us.  We have to want it.  We have to believe that we deserve it.  And most important you have to want to work for it until it becomes what you think then you can become what you want and create the life you desire.

First thing in the morning I choose to start my day with “Ok, Marlene, let’s go make this the best day we can.”  It gets me off to a good start.  So let’s all go for it…go out and make this the best day you can!


Live, love, and laugh hard…the alternative is no fun!  

Monday, June 12, 2017

GOODBYE BUCKINGHAM SPRINGS

I stood in the driveway and found myself filling with tears saying goodbye to 14 years of time spent at The Village of Buckingham Springs.  You were not my happy place. One of my son’s said to me that he didn’t enjoy coming to visit me because he only knew his Dad sick here.  I got it then…I still get it.   No babies were born, no child took their first steps, no happy family milestones to celebrate.  When we first came to Buckingham Springs 14 years ago April, it was because Pat was sick.  I remember thinking as I walked in thru the front door that first time, “this will be Pat’s last home but not mine.”  So this day was not a surprise.  It was never a matter of “if” but “when”.  

That being said, the Buckingham Springs move was the best decision we made.  It is a community of caring people who when they realized what I was dealing with in taking care of Pat, reached out to me and offered their acts of kindness.  After Pat died, there were many that reached out and pulled me back into the living.  You dear neighbors and friends were the best I could have ever hoped for.  I made so many friends…I would name you all but I would be afraid I would forget someone.  

Although I said this was never my happy place, good things have happened to me while I lived here. I met the most amazing people, made many wonderful new friends, learned to paint under the direction of the most talented Flo Schadler, artist extraordinaire, traveled to some new places, wrote my book, "Wife to Widow to Single", which turned out to be great therapy, and  discovered my personal strength in living this new life as a single person while surrounded by people who seemed always ready to pick me up when I fell down.  People like Eileen Jefferies who seems to be an endless bountiful ball of energy despite her own trials, Linda Bowers who I watch with great curiosity in how to navigate this new world I found myself in after Pat died, Liz McLaughlin, whose kindness touched me forever in my most vulnerable moment, and Carol Betz, the best neighbor anyone could hope for are but a few who no matter what the future will hold for me, will always be carried in my heart.  

Dealing with changes is always a challenge.  But making them yourself instead of having them made for you is so much better.  I feel especially excited, if not nervous about what the future holds, but I made this decision for a number of good reasons.  Downsizing was just one of them.  It will allow me to have the freedom to travel more and do the things I want to do.  Being surrounded by “stuff” has never been important to me.  Spending time with those I love is my joy.  Memories of good times are what I want to carry with me through life.  

I could not be doing any of this without the help and support of my kids.  Their guidance during the ups and downs of selling was invaluable.  Their help in moving me out to a temporary situation knowing that by September will all have to be done again…doing it all with a sense joy and celebration has made it fun.  From my daughter who made room for me in her home until my apartment is ready to my older son and his wife who always gave me an ear when I needed it.  I owe immeasurable gratitude to my daughter-in-law and son who have torn their place apart making room for me and providing me my own private space. I know from all of them they wish only for me to be happy so their support and help in this transition are pure joy.  They make me count my blessings every day.

In the middle of all of this, I have met a new friend who has brought me great joy.  I don’t know what or where my decisions will take me, but I do know that I am filled with the energy and happiness that I have not experienced in many years. I am spending each day looking forward to the next adventure.  I owe all of this to those who surround me.  Because in the end, it is the happiness of knowing all of you and having you in my life that feeds this energy.  I may be moving out of Buckingham Springs, but I will carry the friendships from Buckingham Springs with me forever.  

Thank you to one and all!


Thursday, June 1, 2017

THINGS I LEARNED CAMPING


I just spent four wonderful days camping.  It was a fun experience traveling with an experienced camper who was good at guiding me through things I needed to know. There were a few things I discovered on my own, so I thought I would share what I have learned. 

Always plan for rain.  One towel for four days is not enough with rain in the forecast and no chance for a towel to dry out between uses.  I did discover how much a towel can still soak up when wet though.  

 I learned that white sneakers and camping are not a good combination!

I learned that sleeping in a sleeping bag in 51-degree temperatures is not bad at all once it warmed up.  Of course, it would have been nice if the camping buddy would have warmed up the bag before I got in it!!

I learned that when damp, cool nights settle in, finding a form of exercise to warm up, the body helped a lot.  We did do some nice evening walks and discovered some beautiful animal sightings and scenes along the stroll.  Although there were many ways to exercise walking was pleasant.

I learned to make sure whatever bottoms I wear should be short enough to not touch the wet grass on those middle-of-the-night runs to the bathroom.  Soggy bottoms are uncomfortable when crawling back into the sleeping bag.

I also learned to make sure to spot the campsite before heading into the bathroom on those late night runs…I stepped out the first night and got turned around and could not find the camper.  I had a flashlight but turned it off as I didn’t want to be taken for a stalker as I looked to return to the campsite.

I learned that camping with a boy scout—always prepared—is good except when he couldn’t remember where “it” is.  That is when it became a giggle session…for me at least!

This camping trip taught me a few other things too.  Like Connecticut only has 25 letters in their alphabet.  It happened when I heard the word “liquish.”  “Liquish,” I asked.  What is liquish?  “You know,” he said, “like the candy.”  “Oh…you mean licorice.”  That’s when I realized they lost the “R's.”  

I also learned about “bibbits” and whole bellies.  I was told whole bellies are the ones with the bibbit.  I had no idea what Dave was talking about, and all I could do was giggle because it sounded funny. I did taste a “whole belly.”  I had one.  It had a soft mushy part.  

It was fun learning first hand that Connecticut people have an incredible sense of humor.  How you ask?  Well, what do you think with road names like Blueberry Hill, Honeyspot Lane, Tootin Hill Road, Fresh Kill Road or Lovers Lane? That made me wonder how many unusual street names there are around us…and how lucky to live on one of those streets!

The best thing I learned from the camping trip is to pick a guide who knows his way around and can make it fun, even when he knew but couldn’t remember.  Many conversations went like this.  
“How would you like to go (pick a place)?”  
“Oh that sounds like fun,” I would reply.
“Okay, I think we go this way, I can’t quite remember, but it will come to me.”
“Do you want me to plug it into WAZE?” I would ask.
“That would be good.”
So I would look up the address, and WAZE would get us going in the right direction.
“Is WAZE telling us to turn here?” he would ask?
“Yep.” 
“Oh don’t turn there, go straight” he would say, and WAZE would adjust, and onward we would go.  

We always got there despite feeling lost from time to time, and once we arrived, he would remember. When we arrived at Mystic Seaport, we spotted an old Indian Guide and stopped to check him out.  In the course of conversation and the sharing of our travels, the old Indian guide soon informed Dave that he was the long-lost ancestor of his tribe, the Fagarwees.  He shared some old tales of travel of the tribe, and soon Dave recognized his place among his Indian ancestors.


So if you are lucky enough one day to find yourself lost with Dave by your side, trust you are in good hands.  You only need turn to him and ask, “Where the Fagarwee?”