HAPPY BIRTHDAY AARON!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AARON

Thirty-nine years ago, on February 25th, it was 80 degrees and Pat and I were trying to push along labour by walking around looking at boats, dreaming of the coming Spring and all the time we will be spending by the shore line of any body of water….him fishing and me chasing kids.  Later that day, my 9 pound, 1 ounce boy was born…our third son, fourth child, making our family complete.  Damian (age 4), Justin (age 2 1/2), Joliene (age 1 1/2) and now Aaron would fill my life in unimaginable ways. 

How is it possible that I have a child who is turning 39 when I am only 39? In my head that is!!!!  This year I will have my oldest turn 45, my second turn 43, and my third turn 41.  This cannot be! I remember living those ages.  Where does time go?  Why does it fly by so fast?  

I was glad that I recognized those moments that filled me with as much happiness as is allowed. I always wanted to freeze frame the time period as it was happening.  I had many of them when my kids were younger…although I must admit there were also those moments where I wanted to give them away to the first person that passed by.  Parenting is never just one emotion.  Ever! Being a parent is the extreme of everything you can feel….Joy…Fear…Love…Hate…Happy…Sad.  You cannot be a parent without recognizing that at any given moment you can be taken on the wild ride of your life.  I remember there were also times at night that I was glad to have put my head on the pillow and not have killed a kid that day.

Ah yes, parenting was tough, but oh what I would give to be standing there in that place again.  

Wait. I do when I visit any of my children’s families and see, feel and hear the craziness that fills each of their homes.  Kids, making noise, with sounds of “Mom….Mom…Mom” filling the air and I am reminded of how tough it really is to be a parent, and me going home to the quiet is good.

I am glad for all of you.  Your choices in spouses, the grandchildren you have blessed me with, and the lives you are all living, fill me with more happiness that you can ever imagine.  Thank you….thank you….thank you!

And Happy Birthday Aaron!

THANK YOU

Jimmy Fallon does this very funny routine on his show where he writes “Thank You” notes for some off the wall ideas.  

It got me to thinking…I  have a lot to be thankful for…so here are my "Thank You" notes.

Thank you birds…for coming to my bird feeder and entertaining me through your dinner hour.  The cardinals, wood peckers, and nut hatches are my favorite, but I love you all.  Even the squirrel that visits from time to time makes me smile.

Thank you sons, daughter, daughter-in-laws, and grandchildren…even though you all live hectic full lives, you do stop now and then and invite me in and it reminds me of the hectic crazy life I once had…and I am given the opportunity to be glad for the quiet at home.  (But don’t stop inviting me in….I need it from time to time!)

Thank you neighbors…for being helpful when I need it.  You are the reason I love living where I do.  And when I entertain thoughts of moving I am taken back by the idea that since my husband died, you have become my family and confidant.  How can I ever leave you voluntarily?  

Thank you to the employees at Whitman Pharmacy.  You know my name.  You may not be the bar on Cheers, but you make me feel just as good!

Thank you “friends” on Facebook.  I shall never have another birthday where I am forgotten as long as I have you all as friends.  You have no idea what that means for me!  

Thank you Trudy at Giant Food Store.  Seeing your friendly face when I go grocery shopping (my least favorite thing to do) always makes me smile.  You always make a point to step up and say hello.  Life is made better when I bowl next to you during our Thursday league!

Thank you to the neighbors who allow me to help you from time to time.  You give me an opportunity to earn brownie points for my trip to heaven…and Lord only knows I could use all the help I can get.

Thank you to Bill Wood, my lawn guy.  Not only do you have the instinct to know when to do the right thing, but you do it when it needs to be done and not just because you can.  I like the way you help me preserve my finances and make me look good too!

Thank you John L.  for taking time to visit during your trip around the US on your motorcycle.  Our conversation about our high school's 50th class reunion, erased any fear I may have had about attending the event next September.

Thank you to the PA at the doctor’s office.  You are so kind and friendly, that no matter how I feel going into the visit, I am made to feel better by our conversation once I am there.  You, it turns out, are the best medicine!

Thank you to the men I have dated since I lost my husband.  You have made me feel like Goldilocks…..some are too old, some are too young….some are too hot….and some are too cold….I’ll let you know when I find the one that is just right!

Thank you to the trash men that come twice a week and clear away what I don’t want.  No matter the weather, you always smile at me and wave.  You always make me wonder if I would be thinner doing what you do when I watch you chase the truck down the street, all the while throwing the trash into the back.  You must sleep well at night!

Thank you Toyota Service Department.  You may be pricy, but your attention to my car gives me confidence that my 2008 Toyota Solara will continue to give me pleasure as I drive down the street with my top down….the car top that is!  

Thank you Eileen for showing me through your daily living and good deeds, what living life to the fullest is all about.  No one…and I mean no one…does it better than you.

Thank you David for your phone calls and conversation.  You remind me of how much hard work goes into a loving relationship.  You are at the threshold of the best time of your life and I envy that.  Enjoy.  You will have plenty of stories to tell of all the good times.

Thank you to Joan for sharing a bedroom with me!  You showed me that travel can be fun and interesting when you are open to new experiences.  (Now do you think people will wonder what I mean by this?  :-)  )

Thank you to Carol, my neighbor, whose shared love of gardening makes our places look like a park  in the summer...to be enjoyed by us and our neighbors alike!

And last for today…thank you to my grumpy old friend.  You remind me and help me plant the seed in my head to be always grateful to all who help me travel through the winter of my life.  For when we reach the stage of life where we need help, we must never forget to say, “Thank you.”

I AM NOT UNIQUE, OR DIFFERENT, OR SPECIAL

As a young mother I took a workshop on how to best communicate with my children.  During the course of the workshop I was presented with the idea that no matter how unique you think you are, or how special, if your eyes are open and you look around you will see, even in the dark, you are not alone where you stand.

To prove the point, the instructor shared the story about how he decided to order these very special red glasses.  He desired to stand out…be different…a one-of-a-kind man.  “How many times do you see red eye glasses on anyone?” he said.  He searched and searched until he found just the right ones.  Spending good money for these one and only kind of glasses they finally arrived.  To his amazement after a couple of weeks he began to notice others had the same red pair of glasses.  How come he didn’t see this before?

I equate this same phenomenon with cars.  I cannot tell one new car from another.  Not like the old days when a Mustang or Corvette looked like a one and only.  Or my favorite, a Thunderbird.

So you go out and buy that one car that calls your name.  What happens?  Suddenly you notice that car everywhere.  You see them in all colors, on every street.  Yet before purchasing it myself I could not see my car anywhere….that I noticed.

So here I am today…a widow.  Looking back on life we had family members die.  But as a young person you grieved and then quickly got back into the rhythm of living.  Gone but not forgotten are those that had passed on.  

Today, I feel like I am living a cascading event of people passing away all around me.  Yes, I do live in an “active adult community”.  But I have noticed since I became “one”…a widow…that it is not unique, or different, or special…and even in the dark, I am not alone in this journey.  I am one of many and a continuing growing community.  

I am not sure how I am suppose to feel about all this.  I know the world pushes me to say, “get on with it”, but no matter what we think we know about “getting on with it”, when it is our turn we each have to find our own way through the loss, grief, and new growth that will eventually follow.  

I know one thing, I am more keenly aware of those around me.  In a crowd, I watch couples and find myself even wanting to go up to them and say, “hold tight to each other, for these moments are as fleeting as it was when raising your family.”  When I hear a couple bicker, I want to ask them, “Is this really worth the pain you are causing each other?”

But I know this is just life…just as the life I lived and took for granted.   The good thing about this realization, is accepting the fact, that I do not stand alone in the dark as I once thought I did.  And this is a good thing.

WHAT ARE YOUR VALENTINE'S DAY PLANS?

"Embracing my singleness" was an answer option by AARP, who sent out a questionnaire asking what my plans are for Valentine’s day.  The question options were typical of what you would expect from such a questionnaire.  Sweets for the sweetheart or dinner for two, etc.  One answer was “Will embrace my singleness.”  After filling in my answer, AARP sent a follow-up message giving you the total answers to date.  I was struck when it showed that the number one answer was “Will embrace my singleness.”  Boy, there are a lot of us singles out there!

Valentine’s Day, along with New Year’s Eve remains the two hardest days to get through since Pat passed away.  Oh what we take for granted when we have it and what is missed when we don’t.  

What fills me during these times, is the reality of how much I miss the tenderness of touch.  I can close my eyes and still remember the moments, but it only succeeds in making me yearn for that long hug and warm embrace even more.  I don’t know if I will ever be able to say that to be without intimacy is okay, but I have to find ways to get beyond the ache.  

With so many single men and women out there, one would think some places would do something to create a welcome to those without partners.  

I have kept one promise to myself.  I have begun to invite friends in.  Oh not a big party kind of invite, but small, intimate groups so conversation and laughter can occupy the time.  I remembered, with my last invitation, how much I loved preparing the meal and planning for friends.  And when they came, the joy of conversation and the hugs hello and good-bye felt wonderful! 

I haven’t figured out what I will do on Valentine's Day, but I will do something…go to the movies, attend a show, have some friends over….something.  I refuse to sit home and endure the commercials on TV that remind me how alone in life I am.  So if you see me knocking on your door, remember it is just me looking for a little TLC.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you!

LORD, HELP ME PRESERVE MY DIGNITY!!!!

Me as I start my new chapter in life!

I am in a new chapter of my life.  And the goal?  To keep my dignity about me!  The chapter you ask?  Surviving working with a trainer and physical therapist.  Beautiful people in body and spirit, both of them.  I especially enjoy the young man, Dean, who is my trainer.  A brilliant young man who takes his work very seriously.  But he puts my body in positions that I haven’t tried since I was six months old.

Age I could last lift my legs
over my head.

I mean, when is the last time you put your legs over your head?  You know the position.  The getting-ready-to-change-a-diaper position!   Okay…maybe six months is pushing it, but not more than two years old for sure!  The worst part about this position is the fear I will fart in his face as he pushes my leg toward the back of my head!!!!

I look around the room and there is a younger women who, laying on her back, brings her legs up over her head and reaches back toward the wall with her toes.  I think to myself, “My God what I am doing here?”

The work I do with Dean is not cardio…but it sure makes me sweat.  By the time I walk away from him I am sweating as if I was in a sauna and my face is as red as an apple.  From the outside it looks simple.  At least he makes it look simple.  

“Just stand with your back to the wall, open your arms to your side and your elbows at 90 degrees, hands up in the air….touching the wall with the back of your hands.”  He demonstrates and I think, ah an easy one.  Sure.  I stand with my back against the wall, lift my arms as if I am surrendering to the gunman, push my arms back to touch the wall…pushing…pushing…I can’t touch the damn wall!!!!  

“Don’t worry,” he says.  “You’ll get there, just don’t give up.”

I want you to know that standing in this surrender position and lifting my arms straight up and then back down is very hard for this 68 year old body!  

Balance is my weak spot.  I mean it is so bad that if a policeman pulled me over for a DUI, I would just have to surrender because I could not pass his “stand on one foot and lift the other” test.  I would fall over on my face and he would haul me in!

I'll always love to cook!

And can I ask, why the mirrors?  In this place there are mirrors everywhere.  I don’t even like to look at myself naked in the privacy of my own home and yet here I am in a room full of young sweaty bodies who seem to be able to tie their legs into pretzel holds, unable to move without catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  Do you know how hard it is to try and do these exercises while seeing my “old women’s body” flopping around on the floor?  Most of the time I just close my eyes…and that does not help either!!!

As hard as this is…and it is hard…I will not give up on working to get my strength back into my muscles.  There is so much I want to do and places I want to see, and all require a good deal of walking and hiking and damn it…I am going to do these things!!!  Until then, Lord, please help me preserve my dignity!