HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Mom…a word I desired to be called and at times when fatigue filled my soul caused me to curl up and want to hide.  Recently when my daughter moved into her own home, as she was packing she would call out, “Mom”….’MOM”….”MUM”…..then laughed as she said, “I’m doing that so you will be glad I am out of your house!”  I still miss her.

Other than the 9 straight years of changing diapers, cleaning up throw-up, chasing muddy feet as they entered the house, cleaning up faces filled with food and floors covered with the aftermath of their meals, feeling like I was attached to the car driving them to their activities, sitting in cold, snow, or rain at their sporting events, being the go between them and their Dad, or the sleepless nights worried about their fever or behavior, I loved being a mother.

The noise factor in the house never bothered me.  The truth is that I loved it. The chaos of kids laughing, wrestling with their Dad on the floor, or chasing each other around the house, although at times exasperating, still filled me with a strong sense of purpose in life.  I miss it from time to time, especially as this stage of my life of living alone.  

Happy are the holiday memories.  From the traditions of Christmas Eve’s at Grammy Ford’s to our own Christmas morning breakfast with family joining us for a relaxed day of kid chaos.  Easter Egg hunts in the backyard, to the Thanksgiving Dinners that for us was both an anniversary of our life together and a celebration of family and friends…to the holiday picnics we held every year, rain or shine!

Easy?  No, being a mother is not easy.  But worth it?  Yes.  I always tried to be a good, caring Mother to my kids.  Was I perfect?  No.  But one hopes in life when they grow up and have children of their own a better understanding of what it takes to be a parent shows them how much they were loved.  No one could ever say I don't love my kids…I still do…I always will and unconditionally.  The joy now are the grandchildren, my gift for putting up with them!  Haha!

Raise a glass to the Mothers in the world.  They nurture, sacrifice, and give love unconditionally.  They are the arms that surround you when the world pushes in, they are the ears that listen when no one else will, and they are the heart that always loves you no matter the storm.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there!

FINDING JOY IN THE MOMENT

Beauty found everywhere!

I received a letter the other day, in response to my book, “Wife to Widow to Single” about my journey into living life as a single person after a 45-year marriage.  In the letter, this woman said she had a hard time relating to everything in my book because she didn’t like her husband and his death was “the divorce I didn’t have the courage to get”.  

I sat dumbfounded by her comment and surrounded by an overwhelming sense of sadness for her.  How awful to have lived life with that thinking weaved into your living.  I cannot even relate.  After processing her letter, I became aware, one more time, about how lucky I have been in my adult life.  And trust me, luck is the word here.  My choices have all been a case of following my instincts, and for the most part, they have not backfired in my face.

Now don’t misunderstand, life has its moments…nothing is so perfect it could not be made better, but in the scheme of things, my adult life had one constant…that no matter what came up, no matter what tragedy affected me, I was and am surrounded by unconditional love and with that strength to move forward was made easier.  Learning to navigate my new life as a single person was as expected a zig-zag process, at times a rough one.  If I have learned anything in my 70 years, it is that life is never linear.  Two steps forward one back…getting cocky in how good things feel to only be knocked back on my heels by a moment or a memory, but always rising, moving forward and getting on with life.

I was asked this past weekend if I was happy.  And without hesitation, the answer is yes.  After five years of loss, I reached the point where I am okay where I stand.  I worked hard at being okay because to do otherwise would have only cheated me out of the time left to live. Pat did not want that for me and I would not have wanted any less for him.  I have given a lot to those around me and will continue to do so, but I also have reached a place where this is a new and joyful journey for me.  Last year, after researching, contemplating the consequences, and finally deciding I made some life changing decisions for myself.  With the offer and outreach from my younger son and his wife, I decided to put my home up for sale in January and move on to a place where I had more time and freedom to play. They are giving me my own corner in their home.  I am grateful to them for that because it allows me to go about and do things I have always wanted to do.  

Along the way, someone has crossed my path which has shown me that more possibilities may exist.  That too is a good thing.  

Like life, no one knows where it goes, but I do know that no matter what happens, or how things end up, I will as always, rise, move forward and get on with living.

I hope the lady who wrote me her sad letter gets that second opportunity in life and discovers the joy that can be had.  It takes work, acceptance, and a willingness to take chances.

I wish you luck…I wish everyone luck!

CELEBRATING!

My brother-in-law Michael Ford, a man with a great spirit, full of love, giving and oh by the way a magnificent pianist and composer, was in concert this past Sunday where he played over an hour of his own compositions and introduced a couple pieces from his newly released CD, “Exile” that he dedicated to my late husband, his brother, John Patrick Ford.  

It is one thing to listen to the beautiful music that Michael creates, but it is another journey to watch his hands dance across the keyboard so fast you can’t see where his fingers land on the keys.  He is pure joy and inspiration!

Spending time with the Ford family has never ceased to be anything but happiness for me.  Some say it is a unique family. We don’t see it as anything but normal and as it should be.  When I came to this family over 50 years ago, I was a broken winged bird, but this family taught me how to fly.  Drip by drip I was shown unconditional love and gently encouraged to accept it so that in time they showed me how to give it.

Life is not perfect…never has been nor never will be.  The relationship between Michael, his sister Lucyann and Pat was always a dance of celebration.  In all the years I have been part of this family, I have witnessed this and learn to celebrate too.  The joy of it all is that the in-laws in this picture, John to Lucyann, and Beth to Michael are equally full of this spirit. 

The next generation of Ford’s was on hand and like their parents spread a loving and giving spirit.  I stood back at one point and was so grateful that my grandchildren who were there could see and more importantly feel the love that was sprinkled everywhere by everyone.  Hugs, kisses, and a spirit of excitement at your being there were shown to everyone who walked through the door, some who I haven’t seen in 30 years due to time, distance, and schedules, but you would not know it by watching.  The unique part of this family is that when they do get together, they just pick up from the last time, share the latest happenings in life, then turn to making new memories and then more hugs and kisses again in the good-byes.  

I always find my spirits so lifted by being in their presence.  

Thank you, Michael, for sharing your gift.  Thank you, Beth, for making us all feel like we are the most special person in the room.  Thank you Lucyann and John for being my best friend.  I love you all!

Now it is time to dance to the music.

To the rest of the world, I invite you to explore the enlightened works of Michael.  You can check out his website at:  https://michaelford.bandcamp.com/  i promise you wont be sorry.

AGING IS NOT THE END OF LIVING!

Always ready to fly!!!

“Aging is not for sissies.”  

How often have you heard that?  My days living in an “adult” community have shown me two ways to go about this aging process.  Medical issues aside, there are some I have watched reach a point where they sit inside, hardly ever venturing out, waiting for the world to come to them.  Watching TV is their past time.  Loneliness often surrounds them.  When someone shows up to visit, the visitor often has a hard time leaving, sensing their loneliness and desire for the company.  Depression can so often be the cause of this behavior.  Life’s losses and unwelcome changes can leave a person feeling helpless.

Then there are those blessed with the ability to throw off the challenges of aging, and they continue to go and do and challenge themselves daily.  Their energy is infectious, and their zest for life is a joy to be around.  You see them march into an activity with a walker or oxygen in tow…nothing stops them from doing.  I love watching them.  Laughing, kidding, and giving their time for others fills their days.  They are my mentors for this stage of life.

How many times have you heard someone say, “In my head, I don’t feel as old as my body says I am!”  That is where I find myself these days.  I’m 70 years old.  I don’t feel it!  I don’t act it!  My age does not bother me as long as I can get about and do what I want.  Recently I have made some decisions in my life that will release me on to my next adventure in living.  With my home sold and downsizing plans progressing, I am going to take advantage of the remaining good days in my life to do and have fun.  It is important to me to keep balance in those plans.  The family is important to me, so remaining tethered to my roots while venturing out and then back is how I see my days to come.  

The most amazing thing about how I am feeling today is the feeling that this is my time.  I approach this with a sense of freedom and no guilt of work undone or obligations not met.  As a woman, once a wife, mother, and grandmother, I have given myself to all those around me completely.  When the family was young, and vacation choices were made, as long as the husband was happy and the children were happy, I was at peace too with what we did.  Things I wanted to do never came to the top of the list as long as those around me needed me.  And I was okay with it all.  I was glad for the opportunity to love them as I did.  But now, with the death of my husband five years ago, and the family all busy living their own lives, I find the opportunity to finally do what I want to do…no strings attached.  With my health in tact, my physical abilities mostly good, I feel lucky to have this opportunity.  

I don’t know what the immediate future holds.  I only know that I am living it.  Choosing.  Challenging myself to new adventures.  From backroad drives to nowhere, to cruises into unknown places, they are all on my bucket list.  Lifting myself to new heights by helicopter, hot air balloon (which I have done once but would love to do again!), or roller coaster rides…yes roller coaster rides…eating mud at dirt tracks, feeling my chest vibrate at a Nascar race…even falling in love are all possible…just as possible as when I started this adult life of mine 50 years ago.  And I am excited for the opportunity because as they say, some are not so lucky!

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE

So I live in an “adult” community where many of us can’t see the paper in front of our face let alone across the yard and into someone’s window.  So closing my bedroom curtains is not a high priority.  I would kid, after all, if they need to peek in to see my nakedness they need help!  But being lax about closing those doors and windows took a turn and left a mark on me…literally!

The other day as I came around the corner out of the shower I see the figure of a man out in the back.  Naked from the shower I overreacted, lost my footing, fell backward on the floor due to my wet feet and hit my head….then began to laugh so hard I choked on my own spit and threw up, which made me laugh that much harder.  My sides started to hurt as I got up, cleaned up, and crawled across the floor to throw shut the back door.  Embarrassing stories just never stops for me.

The last time I was almost caught naked in front of a door I was 50 years younger than I am now (and my body a whole lot better to look at).  Running naked through the apartment was done on a regular basis as we were pre-kids and lived in a wooded area with not many people around.  One day while doing a few dishes, I suddenly became aware of a service truck outside and a man getting out and heading to the door.  I was trapped in the kitchen which was right where our door was so I dived under the table to hide.  The door open and music blaring, told the driver someone was home, so he reached for the door and popped his head inside and went to call out when I screamed “get out…I have no clothes on!”  Laughing he stepped back to his truck, waited a few minutes before returning back to the door. By this time I had crawled into the bedroom and slipped my clothes on.  He could barely keep from laughing while asking me some questions and I acted like nothing unusual had happened.  My red face gave me away.

Embarrassing moments are not a stranger to my life experiences. I love sharing the stories with my grandkids when they come to me upset over a moment that gives them grief.  It lets them know we can survive these things.

Remember wrap-around skirts that buttoned in the front?  I wore them to school a lot.  One day while leaving my gym class late, walking toward my next class an upperclassman called out my name.  I began to float…an upperclassman knew who I was!  He called out again.  I was so thrilled.  As I got closer, my arms full of my school books, he approached me and pointed to the gym door,  saying, “I think you left something back at the gym.”  I turned to see my wrap-around skirt on the floor.  I looked down below my school books to see the lace of my half slip showing…and immediately broke out into a nervous sweat and ran back to grab my skirt and rush back into the gym’s locker room.  I never spoke to the boy again, and in fact, every time I saw him I would dart the opposite direction to avoid him so sure he remembered that moment as I had.

I think we all have those life embarrassing moments.  I have shared a few in past posts, mostly to show my grandkids that Grammy was always crazy.  As long as I live and take chances I know moments will come and create new memories that will make me blush…in fact, I had one the other night.  While out with a new friend, I was sharing a story about a hot air balloon and a fishing boat at Peace Valley Park.  I was describing how the hot air balloon was trying to skim the water and then lift up again. When he dipped into the water it took on more water than he wanted, so he started pumping and pumping trying to get it up. But no matter how hard he pumped it just wouldn’t get up….now picture the waiter coming into the scene as I said, “he was pumping and pumping trying to get it up, and he couldn’t get it up!" The waiter giggled as he brought us our pizza and said: “I don’t know what you were talking about, but I love this part of your conversation!”  With the waiter, walking away laughing,  I suddenly realized what I was saying and how funny it was out of context.  Yep…it turned my face red. The story that young man will tell about us two old farts will carry on!  And I love it!

I’d love to hear your most embarrassing moment.  Let em out…we all need a good laugh!

PS:  The rest of the hot air balloon story is that by the time the hot air balloon captain got the balloon back up in the air it was full of water that now was flowing down on the poor lone fisherman in the boat.  The fisherman was not happy.  But it gave us good laugh to watch the whole thing from a distance.