FEELING MY IMMIGRANT HERITAGE

The last couple of weeks as my health has kept me quiet and inside, I find myself contemplating the “Donald Trump” syndrome that I am reading and hearing about.  I ask myself, “What is it about his speeches and the discussion that he has brought to the political table that bothers me.?  Why do I cringe when I run into neighbors and friends who tell me what a great President he would make?”

How does a country, whose foundation is based on immigration, spout such ugly rhetoric toward the people who come here to become American.   I am reminded of conversations with my husband’s grandmother, whose family immigrated to American in 1903, from the Austrian/Hungarian Empire. They were a hardworking, close family, who told stories of having stones thrown at them during World War I and II because they had Germanic names and spoke some German with heavy accents.  It caused them to pull in ranks, stay close as a family, put their heads down, work hard, and live a quiet life in the community in which they lived.  It even caused my husband’s grandfather to change his last name to an American name…“Ford” instead of Jobb that he was born with.  “A good American name”, he said to Grammy when he returned from serving in the Calvary during World War I.  

On the other side of the family were the Irish immigrants who eventually settled in Philadelphia and like the Ford side of the family, their church, community organizations and family bond helped them pull in tight in order to withstand the slings and arrows that came their way just because they chose to come to America and start a new life. 

1896 anti-immigration cartoon

Being anti-immigration is nothing new to us.  Political cartoons sometimes played on Americans' fears of immigrants. This one, which appeared in an 1896 edition of the Ram's Horn, depicts an immigrant carrying his baggage of poverty, disease, anarchy and sabbath desecration, approaching Uncle Sam.

I grew up with ugly conversations towards those who lived and looked “different” from us.  As a child we lived on the “edge” of one neighborhood which put us in school with a very diverse group and in fact, in my elementary school time I was only one of four white students in my class.  I had friends in the class of both colors.  I would get invited over to my friends home, where treatment by them towards me was nothing but kind and giving from the adults in the household.

I would not bring anyone home, because my parents didn’t hold their tongue and their words so often embarrassed me (even as early as age 6, 7 or 8) so that early on in life I knew not to bring friends home.  But this did cause me to grow up and question very early in my life, the things my parents said about those who are “different”.

What I see happening today with the Donald Trump popularity makes me feel as uncomfortable as I did when my mother shouted at me asI walked into our home with my friend from class, “Who is that tramp and what is she doing here?”

I have not heard Donald Trump say anything concrete about what he would do to help our country grow and prosper.  I have heard him do a lot of name calling.  The fact that his ugly spewing of venomous language is so welcomed by so many burns my spirit.  I find myself feeling the same way I did when my mother would shout her ugly venomous language at me if  I dared bring someone different into our house.

I am left feeling embarrassed that the world sees us through Donald Trump’s eyes and sad that we are all letting it happen by supporting him.

AGING IS NO JOKE

Before I embark on any trip, I do a lot of research about the area I am going to visit, setting up road map information and laying things in chronological order to ease my stress on the trip.  Planning becomes so important in making it easy and stress-free.  

Too many times, I have watched people enter their aging process with no plans, only the attitude that “something will come along to take care of me.”  No worries.  No fears.  Just wing it.  For many of us, that is all we have to work with. When we wing it, too often we are asked to make these life changing decisions when we are least able.

I know many of us are not in a financial place to plan for the worst-case scenario, but I don’t see anything wrong in taking time to search what the system of aging offers so we can best understand what we will be faced with.  Other wise, tough decisions have to be made in your name, surrounded by a lot of kicking and screaming, 

Taking care of our seniors when they can’t live alone is an expensive proposition.  For those without long-term care insurance policies, we must rely on family and government programs and hope that family or room can be found to help with care.

People more knowledgeable than I have written volumes about what we face today when entering alternative living arrangements.  As I mentioned some posts ago, my friend, Martin Bayne, has been a long time advocate for better living situations in assisted living facilities.    His website, http://thevoiceofagingboomers.com/ is considered one of the best because he has been living in an assisted living facility for over 10 years.  In his 50’s, his body was in need of help, but not his mind.  He continues his work today, constantly challenging those who own and manage long-term care facilities to find better ways to create a home for our aging citizens.

One thing we can do to help those that will be our caretakers is prepare all the necessary paperwork, laying things out to make it easy to discover.

One site that I have been using to get my own personal things in order is called, “Get Your Shit Together”.   http://getyourshittogether.org/.   Yes, you read that right….Get Your Shit Together!

This is one of my favorite sites because it gives you a checklist of all the documents everyone should have in their files.  Not only does it provide a checklist, but it also provides forms that you can easily fill in and print out.  It’s easy-to-understand-explanations of what the documents mean help me understand the truth from the myths we think we know.  

Right after my Dad died, I decided to create an “IN CASE OF DEATH NOTEBOOK”.  I purchased a 3-ring binder, added some plastic sleeves, and began to gather the information necessary to deal with my end of life issues.  When Pat died, I discovered it to be a gift to myself.  I pulled out the book, opened a page, contacted who I needed to contact, making notes and filing the notes with the paperwork until the process was complete.  I did not have to search for anything as all the paperwork I needed was all in one place.  When the death certificates came in I placed them inside the book and used or made copies to file with all those institutions that needed them.  Leaving the balance in the book for when my time comes and in case the kids need them to finish off my estate.

The following is a sample of the items I had in my “IN CASE OF DEATH” notebook.

Obituary information:  This may sound silly to you, but what I found in my own family is that when sitting in front of an undertaker, still reeling with the shock of loss, you and your family members have a great deal of trouble remembering.  Having things written out simply helps simplify the moment.

MEDICAL POWER OF ATTORNEY DOCUMENT

MEDICAL LIVING WILL

POWER OF ATTORNEY:  Note most financial institutions will require their own, so don’t assume because you have a POA that it covers everything.

LIFE INSURANCE POLICIES

MEDICAL INSURANCE INFORMATION

COPY OF WILL COVER WITH A NOTE WHERE THE ORIGINAL IS LOCATED

Military information:  If you served in the military keep your DD214 (Discharge Papers) on file.  They will need it to provide all the military honors your are entitled to.  If, like my husband you are receiving disability payments from the VA, you also need this information to inform them of death.

Marriage and Birth records:  At least copies with notes on where you keep the originals.

Financial Accounts:  I update every quarter when the new statement comes in so that my family will have the last statement on record.  (A good practice is to always keep the first statement showing what you started with.

Bank Account Records:  I take December’s statement and keep a copy of it in my file to give information on bank and information needed to inform of my death.

List Assets:  For most of us this will include our home and car information.  A good habit is to make a copy of important information concerning both your home and car, along with a spare set of keys for each in these pockets.

A COPY OF YOUR UTILITY BILLS:  I found when dealing with these issues you need these for the account information and contact numbers.  I usually copy the last bill of the year and place in this pocket.

A LIST OF PASSWORDS FOR YOUR ACCOUNTS.  In today's world of online banking, doctor sites and other sites that are important to us, we find that we are overwhelmed with the need to collect our passwords.  Your caretaker needs to have these to carry out your wishes when the time comes.  I understand these have to be protected so a note where they can found is good to place here.

I share this with you to inspire you to make things easy for your future caretakers and like I discovered when my husband died, a gift to yourself.