SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO CRY

Sometimes you just have to stop and cry.  That is just what I did today, when driving up to Macungie to babysit my two youngest grandchildren.  I was caught up in traffic and while waiting in a non-moving line I glanced at the mail I just picked up and saw an envelope that looked like an invitation from the Doylestown Presbyterian  Church.  My son, Damian and his wife, Lauren,  are members of this church.  When I opened it up I read where my son and his wife donated a plaque in memory of his father.  It caused me to openly bawl to the point I had to pull off the side of the road when I got a chance.

I called Damian and sobbing, said, “Hello?  It’s Mom.”  

“What’s wrong Mom?” asked Damian.

Sobbing to the point I could hardly get out the words….

“Is it Joliene or Chewie?” he asked.

“Neither,” I said.  “I just opened a note from your church and saw what you and Lauren did in Dad’s name and I just wanted to say thank you.”

“I’m glad you are okay,” he responded relieved it was not serious and chuckling at the same time at my response.

“I don’t know why I am so off kilter this past couple of weeks,” I said trying to stop sobbing.

“Well you have been going through some of Dad’s things and that is most likely what is setting you off,” he said.

He was right.  It is 2 1/2 years since Pat’s death.  I am cleaning out some new corners and this week I tackled Pat’s file drawer where he had topographical maps for every lake he ever fished on.  I decided that since none of the kids fished the way he did, I would find a fisherman that would like them in their collection.

When Joliene saw me working on the files she asked what I was doing.  “Can we keep a couple that he wrote on?” she asked.

“Sure,” I said and let her go through and pick some out.  What we found was his hours of markings of where he caught fish, what he used, the weather, the color of the water—all the work he put into “practice” fishing before a tournament.  We decided to keep at least four of the maps (one for each of the kids).  I hope I can find a way to frame the maps and expose the backside where his writing is included.  I could also add some photos of him with some of his catches.  

I find my procrastination level is high when it comes to reorganizing my life after Pat.  I know why.  The trips down memory lane are a bit rocky, when at once the thoughts of those times are happy loaded with a deep longing to return to those days of living a full and complete life.  

I continued on to Macungie where my two grandchildren are waiting for me.  They are better than puppy dogs because they come up and hug my legs and tell me how much they have missed me since the last week.  It does not get any better than that…well it would of been with Pat, but I’m not going there.  I’ll just enjoy their hugs and kisses for now and keep looking for new ways to fill my days.