YOU MUST WALK YOUR OWN PATH

I enjoy reading biographies, memoir and personal stories of people whose beginnings were challenging yet found ways to overcome those challenges.  Tavis Smiley is a commentator on NPR radio, author, columnist and guest on various other news shows.  He wrote a book about his friendship with Maya Angelou, “My Journey with Maya.”  

I read the following clip on his work, “Tavis Smiley dictates a letter to a young American with inspiration from his late friend, Maya Angelou. No matter how much you seek the answers to life from external sources, the truth you seek can only be found within you. You must walk your own path without aid of shortcuts. And you need to acknowledge that the journey toward the authentic you is more important than the destination.”

I am reminded this week, through the journeys of a couple of my friends, that no matter the journey we are on, learning how to be a survivor of anything is something no one can do for us.  We can search for answers from other people in hopes of inspiring us, or we can want others in our life to “save us”, but the truth is, what we search for can only be found within us.  

A lesson I learned in my initial journey of learning how to survive childhood abuse is that I first had to decide that I was worthy of a life well lived, then decided what “I” was willing to do to allow that to happen.  Hanging on to old hurts and pain only keeps us hurting and in pain.

I am lucky in that I was married to someone who allowed me to find my own way while standing by my side and loving me through it all.  The tools I learned through that journey have helped me through my journey of grief too.   

In my case, my personal grief was a struggle because I felt so complete with my best friend and husband by my side.  With him gone, I felt the vulnerable side of me become exposed and it was as if I was learning all over again how to live life.  And in many ways I am.  Living life as a wife and mother was a 45-year adventure.  Now, living life as a single person is a new and often alien experience for me.  The most important thing I am learning is to look for the authentic “me” that dwells within.  

I resisted it for a long time because the completeness of being “a part of something” felt so good and comforting.  So when someone comes to me looking for those magic answers, they are disappointed that I cannot provide the secret code to the door that opens them up to life again.  I cannot save anyone.  Choosing to live as full a life as I can, I can by example, be a light to those in darkness, to show that if you want to live, you will find a way.