THINGS I LEARNED CAMPING

I just spent four wonderful days camping.  It was a fun experience traveling with an experienced camper who was good at guiding me through things I needed to know. There were a few things I discovered on my own, so I thought I would share what I have learned. 

Always plan for rain.  One towel for four days is not enough with rain in the forecast and no chance for a towel to dry out between uses.  I did discover how much a towel can still soak up when wet though.  

 I learned that white sneakers and camping are not a good combination!

I learned that sleeping in a sleeping bag in 51-degree temperatures is not bad at all once it warmed up.  Of course, it would have been nice if the camping buddy would have warmed up the bag before I got in it!!

I learned that when damp, cool nights settle in, finding a form of exercise to warm up, the body helped a lot.  We did do some nice evening walks and discovered some beautiful animal sightings and scenes along the stroll.  Although there were many ways to exercise walking was pleasant.

I learned to make sure whatever bottoms I wear should be short enough to not touch the wet grass on those middle-of-the-night runs to the bathroom.  Soggy bottoms are uncomfortable when crawling back into the sleeping bag.

I also learned to make sure to spot the campsite before heading into the bathroom on those late night runs…I stepped out the first night and got turned around and could not find the camper.  I had a flashlight but turned it off as I didn’t want to be taken for a stalker as I looked to return to the campsite.

I learned that camping with a boy scout—always prepared—is good except when he couldn’t remember where “it” is.  That is when it became a giggle session…for me at least!

This camping trip taught me a few other things too.  Like Connecticut only has 25 letters in their alphabet.  It happened when I heard the word “liquish.”  “Liquish,” I asked.  What is liquish?  “You know,” he said, “like the candy.”  “Oh…you mean licorice.”  That’s when I realized they lost the “R's.”  

I also learned about “bibbits” and whole bellies.  I was told whole bellies are the ones with the bibbit.  I had no idea what Dave was talking about, and all I could do was giggle because it sounded funny. I did taste a “whole belly.”  I had one.  It had a soft mushy part.  

It was fun learning first hand that Connecticut people have an incredible sense of humor.  How you ask?  Well, what do you think with road names like Blueberry Hill, Honeyspot Lane, Tootin Hill Road, Fresh Kill Road or Lovers Lane? That made me wonder how many unusual street names there are around us…and how lucky to live on one of those streets!

The best thing I learned from the camping trip is to pick a guide who knows his way around and can make it fun, even when he knew but couldn’t remember.  Many conversations went like this.  

“How would you like to go (pick a place)?”  

“Oh that sounds like fun,” I would reply.

“Okay, I think we go this way, I can’t quite remember, but it will come to me.”

“Do you want me to plug it into WAZE?” I would ask.

“That would be good.”

So I would look up the address, and WAZE would get us going in the right direction.

“Is WAZE telling us to turn here?” he would ask?

“Yep.” 

“Oh don’t turn there, go straight” he would say, and WAZE would adjust, and onward we would go.  

We always got there despite feeling lost from time to time, and once we arrived, he would remember. When we arrived at Mystic Seaport, we spotted an old Indian Guide and stopped to check him out.  In the course of conversation and the sharing of our travels, the old Indian guide soon informed Dave that he was the long-lost ancestor of his tribe, the Fagarwees.  He shared some old tales of travel of the tribe, and soon Dave recognized his place among his Indian ancestors.

So if you are lucky enough one day to find yourself lost with Dave by your side, trust you are in good hands.  You only need turn to him and ask, “Where the Fagarwee?”

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Mom…a word I desired to be called and at times when fatigue filled my soul caused me to curl up and want to hide.  Recently when my daughter moved into her own home, as she was packing she would call out, “Mom”….’MOM”….”MUM”…..then laughed as she said, “I’m doing that so you will be glad I am out of your house!”  I still miss her.

Other than the 9 straight years of changing diapers, cleaning up throw-up, chasing muddy feet as they entered the house, cleaning up faces filled with food and floors covered with the aftermath of their meals, feeling like I was attached to the car driving them to their activities, sitting in cold, snow, or rain at their sporting events, being the go between them and their Dad, or the sleepless nights worried about their fever or behavior, I loved being a mother.

The noise factor in the house never bothered me.  The truth is that I loved it. The chaos of kids laughing, wrestling with their Dad on the floor, or chasing each other around the house, although at times exasperating, still filled me with a strong sense of purpose in life.  I miss it from time to time, especially as this stage of my life of living alone.  

Happy are the holiday memories.  From the traditions of Christmas Eve’s at Grammy Ford’s to our own Christmas morning breakfast with family joining us for a relaxed day of kid chaos.  Easter Egg hunts in the backyard, to the Thanksgiving Dinners that for us was both an anniversary of our life together and a celebration of family and friends…to the holiday picnics we held every year, rain or shine!

Easy?  No, being a mother is not easy.  But worth it?  Yes.  I always tried to be a good, caring Mother to my kids.  Was I perfect?  No.  But one hopes in life when they grow up and have children of their own a better understanding of what it takes to be a parent shows them how much they were loved.  No one could ever say I don't love my kids…I still do…I always will and unconditionally.  The joy now are the grandchildren, my gift for putting up with them!  Haha!

Raise a glass to the Mothers in the world.  They nurture, sacrifice, and give love unconditionally.  They are the arms that surround you when the world pushes in, they are the ears that listen when no one else will, and they are the heart that always loves you no matter the storm.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there!

FINDING JOY IN THE MOMENT

Beauty found everywhere!

I received a letter the other day, in response to my book, “Wife to Widow to Single” about my journey into living life as a single person after a 45-year marriage.  In the letter, this woman said she had a hard time relating to everything in my book because she didn’t like her husband and his death was “the divorce I didn’t have the courage to get”.  

I sat dumbfounded by her comment and surrounded by an overwhelming sense of sadness for her.  How awful to have lived life with that thinking weaved into your living.  I cannot even relate.  After processing her letter, I became aware, one more time, about how lucky I have been in my adult life.  And trust me, luck is the word here.  My choices have all been a case of following my instincts, and for the most part, they have not backfired in my face.

Now don’t misunderstand, life has its moments…nothing is so perfect it could not be made better, but in the scheme of things, my adult life had one constant…that no matter what came up, no matter what tragedy affected me, I was and am surrounded by unconditional love and with that strength to move forward was made easier.  Learning to navigate my new life as a single person was as expected a zig-zag process, at times a rough one.  If I have learned anything in my 70 years, it is that life is never linear.  Two steps forward one back…getting cocky in how good things feel to only be knocked back on my heels by a moment or a memory, but always rising, moving forward and getting on with life.

I was asked this past weekend if I was happy.  And without hesitation, the answer is yes.  After five years of loss, I reached the point where I am okay where I stand.  I worked hard at being okay because to do otherwise would have only cheated me out of the time left to live. Pat did not want that for me and I would not have wanted any less for him.  I have given a lot to those around me and will continue to do so, but I also have reached a place where this is a new and joyful journey for me.  Last year, after researching, contemplating the consequences, and finally deciding I made some life changing decisions for myself.  With the offer and outreach from my younger son and his wife, I decided to put my home up for sale in January and move on to a place where I had more time and freedom to play. They are giving me my own corner in their home.  I am grateful to them for that because it allows me to go about and do things I have always wanted to do.  

Along the way, someone has crossed my path which has shown me that more possibilities may exist.  That too is a good thing.  

Like life, no one knows where it goes, but I do know that no matter what happens, or how things end up, I will as always, rise, move forward and get on with living.

I hope the lady who wrote me her sad letter gets that second opportunity in life and discovers the joy that can be had.  It takes work, acceptance, and a willingness to take chances.

I wish you luck…I wish everyone luck!

CELEBRATING!

My brother-in-law Michael Ford, a man with a great spirit, full of love, giving and oh by the way a magnificent pianist and composer, was in concert this past Sunday where he played over an hour of his own compositions and introduced a couple pieces from his newly released CD, “Exile” that he dedicated to my late husband, his brother, John Patrick Ford.  

It is one thing to listen to the beautiful music that Michael creates, but it is another journey to watch his hands dance across the keyboard so fast you can’t see where his fingers land on the keys.  He is pure joy and inspiration!

Spending time with the Ford family has never ceased to be anything but happiness for me.  Some say it is a unique family. We don’t see it as anything but normal and as it should be.  When I came to this family over 50 years ago, I was a broken winged bird, but this family taught me how to fly.  Drip by drip I was shown unconditional love and gently encouraged to accept it so that in time they showed me how to give it.

Life is not perfect…never has been nor never will be.  The relationship between Michael, his sister Lucyann and Pat was always a dance of celebration.  In all the years I have been part of this family, I have witnessed this and learn to celebrate too.  The joy of it all is that the in-laws in this picture, John to Lucyann, and Beth to Michael are equally full of this spirit. 

The next generation of Ford’s was on hand and like their parents spread a loving and giving spirit.  I stood back at one point and was so grateful that my grandchildren who were there could see and more importantly feel the love that was sprinkled everywhere by everyone.  Hugs, kisses, and a spirit of excitement at your being there were shown to everyone who walked through the door, some who I haven’t seen in 30 years due to time, distance, and schedules, but you would not know it by watching.  The unique part of this family is that when they do get together, they just pick up from the last time, share the latest happenings in life, then turn to making new memories and then more hugs and kisses again in the good-byes.  

I always find my spirits so lifted by being in their presence.  

Thank you, Michael, for sharing your gift.  Thank you, Beth, for making us all feel like we are the most special person in the room.  Thank you Lucyann and John for being my best friend.  I love you all!

Now it is time to dance to the music.

To the rest of the world, I invite you to explore the enlightened works of Michael.  You can check out his website at:  https://michaelford.bandcamp.com/  i promise you wont be sorry.

AGING IS NOT THE END OF LIVING!

Always ready to fly!!!

“Aging is not for sissies.”  

How often have you heard that?  My days living in an “adult” community have shown me two ways to go about this aging process.  Medical issues aside, there are some I have watched reach a point where they sit inside, hardly ever venturing out, waiting for the world to come to them.  Watching TV is their past time.  Loneliness often surrounds them.  When someone shows up to visit, the visitor often has a hard time leaving, sensing their loneliness and desire for the company.  Depression can so often be the cause of this behavior.  Life’s losses and unwelcome changes can leave a person feeling helpless.

Then there are those blessed with the ability to throw off the challenges of aging, and they continue to go and do and challenge themselves daily.  Their energy is infectious, and their zest for life is a joy to be around.  You see them march into an activity with a walker or oxygen in tow…nothing stops them from doing.  I love watching them.  Laughing, kidding, and giving their time for others fills their days.  They are my mentors for this stage of life.

How many times have you heard someone say, “In my head, I don’t feel as old as my body says I am!”  That is where I find myself these days.  I’m 70 years old.  I don’t feel it!  I don’t act it!  My age does not bother me as long as I can get about and do what I want.  Recently I have made some decisions in my life that will release me on to my next adventure in living.  With my home sold and downsizing plans progressing, I am going to take advantage of the remaining good days in my life to do and have fun.  It is important to me to keep balance in those plans.  The family is important to me, so remaining tethered to my roots while venturing out and then back is how I see my days to come.  

The most amazing thing about how I am feeling today is the feeling that this is my time.  I approach this with a sense of freedom and no guilt of work undone or obligations not met.  As a woman, once a wife, mother, and grandmother, I have given myself to all those around me completely.  When the family was young, and vacation choices were made, as long as the husband was happy and the children were happy, I was at peace too with what we did.  Things I wanted to do never came to the top of the list as long as those around me needed me.  And I was okay with it all.  I was glad for the opportunity to love them as I did.  But now, with the death of my husband five years ago, and the family all busy living their own lives, I find the opportunity to finally do what I want to do…no strings attached.  With my health in tact, my physical abilities mostly good, I feel lucky to have this opportunity.  

I don’t know what the immediate future holds.  I only know that I am living it.  Choosing.  Challenging myself to new adventures.  From backroad drives to nowhere, to cruises into unknown places, they are all on my bucket list.  Lifting myself to new heights by helicopter, hot air balloon (which I have done once but would love to do again!), or roller coaster rides…yes roller coaster rides…eating mud at dirt tracks, feeling my chest vibrate at a Nascar race…even falling in love are all possible…just as possible as when I started this adult life of mine 50 years ago.  And I am excited for the opportunity because as they say, some are not so lucky!

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE

So I live in an “adult” community where many of us can’t see the paper in front of our face let alone across the yard and into someone’s window.  So closing my bedroom curtains is not a high priority.  I would kid, after all, if they need to peek in to see my nakedness they need help!  But being lax about closing those doors and windows took a turn and left a mark on me…literally!

The other day as I came around the corner out of the shower I see the figure of a man out in the back.  Naked from the shower I overreacted, lost my footing, fell backward on the floor due to my wet feet and hit my head….then began to laugh so hard I choked on my own spit and threw up, which made me laugh that much harder.  My sides started to hurt as I got up, cleaned up, and crawled across the floor to throw shut the back door.  Embarrassing stories just never stops for me.

The last time I was almost caught naked in front of a door I was 50 years younger than I am now (and my body a whole lot better to look at).  Running naked through the apartment was done on a regular basis as we were pre-kids and lived in a wooded area with not many people around.  One day while doing a few dishes, I suddenly became aware of a service truck outside and a man getting out and heading to the door.  I was trapped in the kitchen which was right where our door was so I dived under the table to hide.  The door open and music blaring, told the driver someone was home, so he reached for the door and popped his head inside and went to call out when I screamed “get out…I have no clothes on!”  Laughing he stepped back to his truck, waited a few minutes before returning back to the door. By this time I had crawled into the bedroom and slipped my clothes on.  He could barely keep from laughing while asking me some questions and I acted like nothing unusual had happened.  My red face gave me away.

Embarrassing moments are not a stranger to my life experiences. I love sharing the stories with my grandkids when they come to me upset over a moment that gives them grief.  It lets them know we can survive these things.

Remember wrap-around skirts that buttoned in the front?  I wore them to school a lot.  One day while leaving my gym class late, walking toward my next class an upperclassman called out my name.  I began to float…an upperclassman knew who I was!  He called out again.  I was so thrilled.  As I got closer, my arms full of my school books, he approached me and pointed to the gym door,  saying, “I think you left something back at the gym.”  I turned to see my wrap-around skirt on the floor.  I looked down below my school books to see the lace of my half slip showing…and immediately broke out into a nervous sweat and ran back to grab my skirt and rush back into the gym’s locker room.  I never spoke to the boy again, and in fact, every time I saw him I would dart the opposite direction to avoid him so sure he remembered that moment as I had.

I think we all have those life embarrassing moments.  I have shared a few in past posts, mostly to show my grandkids that Grammy was always crazy.  As long as I live and take chances I know moments will come and create new memories that will make me blush…in fact, I had one the other night.  While out with a new friend, I was sharing a story about a hot air balloon and a fishing boat at Peace Valley Park.  I was describing how the hot air balloon was trying to skim the water and then lift up again. When he dipped into the water it took on more water than he wanted, so he started pumping and pumping trying to get it up. But no matter how hard he pumped it just wouldn’t get up….now picture the waiter coming into the scene as I said, “he was pumping and pumping trying to get it up, and he couldn’t get it up!" The waiter giggled as he brought us our pizza and said: “I don’t know what you were talking about, but I love this part of your conversation!”  With the waiter, walking away laughing,  I suddenly realized what I was saying and how funny it was out of context.  Yep…it turned my face red. The story that young man will tell about us two old farts will carry on!  And I love it!

I’d love to hear your most embarrassing moment.  Let em out…we all need a good laugh!

PS:  The rest of the hot air balloon story is that by the time the hot air balloon captain got the balloon back up in the air it was full of water that now was flowing down on the poor lone fisherman in the boat.  The fisherman was not happy.  But it gave us good laugh to watch the whole thing from a distance.

I HATE SCAMS AND SCAMMERS!!!!

I HATE SCAMS AND SCAMMERS!  Did I say that loud enough?  I have done everything I can to stop these annoying calls.  I have signed up on the “Do Not Call” list more than once.  I have tried the “Stop the Robo” caller program…that has not stopped them.  I have ignored the calls with numbers I don’t recognize, but the annoyance of the consistent ringing drive me crazy. I began to take the call making sure it was indeed a non-legitimate caller then I would block the number.  In 3 days…yes, that is 3 days I filled my allotted number of calls I am allowed to block in my phone system.  One would think that having caller ID would help stop them, but they have even managed to get around identifying who they are with that.  Often when I have called the number back, I get that the number has been disconnected.  How can that be?  That number just rang my phone!!!

Over the years I have taken down all their information and then called my local government office…only to be told not to answer the call.  Then I called my local consumer advocate…only to be told to just hang up.  Once when I was so tied up caring for my dying husband, I called the police to see if I could get the Bucks County Police Association to stop calling and they told me,  “There was nothing they could do, and by the way, do not donate to them,” he said, “we get nothing from them.”  Great.

Why is it so hard to figure out what to do to stop them.  In one of my evil moments, I wished I had one of those loud piercing sound makers to blow into the phone once a real person gets online.  I figure if I take away their hearing they would give up calling!

Once I even gave them a bunch of phony information just to get rid of them. I told the foreign sounding voice on the other end of the line that my name was  Dumbia Scammershit.  

I have resorted to pretending I was deaf.  “Hello!”  They would try and say something, and I would interrupt with “Hello…are you there?”  “What?”  “Speak louder I cannot hear you.”  Eventually, with me screaming on the phone, they would hang up.

Another time when the caller would ask their question, I would answer with gibberish, making no sense and having nothing to do with their question.  They would eventually hang up also.

Once I startled a person with, “I am so glad you called.  You need to call the police.  I think I just killed an intruder who came into my house.  He looks familiar…similar to my husband,” I said…eventually they hung up too.

The scariest call I ever had was years ago when my husband left for his second shift job, I got a call asking if I was Mrs. Ford.  He then identified himself (this was before caller ID) as the State Police and that my husband was just involved in an auto accident and could I call someone over to my home while I head to the hospital.  Something told me to call the State Police to confirm the event, and that is when I found out that this was a scam call and the police would never call with that kind of information.  They would send an officer in person.  

Remember years ago when Olean Mills would call and offer up a free 8x10 family photo just for letting them send a photographer to the home to snap the series of photos to choose from?  We all knew the scam.  Take the photos then do a high-pressure pitch to get you to buy a very expensive package.  As a mother of four young children, I did not have the time for such nonsense.  I said no.  Then no again.  And no one more time.  After a bit, the caller asked, “Why Mrs. Ford would you not want a beautiful family photo to cherish the rest of your life?”  After a bit of a pause, I responded in a very serious tone with, “Because sir, you just don’t understand.  My children are so ugly I never take their pictures.  People would just laugh and stare.”  The dead silence at the other end of the phone told me all I needed to know and the calls stopped.

Lately, the “IRS” scammer calls and the “PECO” scammer calls are ringing me two to three times a day.  I let them know they are a scammer and for the most part, the IRS people just hang up.  But the PECO scammers have actually started arguing with me.  Today when they called, I asked them how they could live with themselves scamming people out of their hard-earned money and hung up.  Not that they care but I was hoping the “Mother’s Voice” I shot out there would get to them.  

I am not naive to think anyone could talk to these lowlife-scumbag-bastards into caring. I have decided that it is time to make a daily political call to plead with my congressmen to come up with a way to stop this.  Elderly people especially are so vulnerable to this kind of crap and sadly too many times are scammed out of their money, and it is sad that there is nothing that can be done about it.  

If any of you out there have any ideas, I am open to hearing them.  

“HELLO, WHAT DID YOU SAY?”  “I CAN’T HEAR YOU…SPEAK LOUDER PLEASE.”  “HELLO!”  “ARE YOU THERE?”

Oh I am sorry, I am practicing for my next scammer call.