THIS WOMEN’S JOURNEY

AARP magazine  has printed  a few articles recently, about how important sex is in our lives.  And it is.  But when faced with the world of being single how does one handle it?  With the fog of widowhood lifted, I find myself waking up to a world, with new rules.  I struggle to know how to handle this new world at times.  In this place anything seems to go, and it appears to most, to be okay.

When I was young, there were rules and there were consequences to breaking those rules.  Men could often go through life and break them with few if any consequences, but women, got tagged with harsh names like, tramp, whore, or slut.  Even if she were a victim she often got told she asked for it by the way she dressed, or behaved, but a man was not made to accept the responsibility for his behavior in the same circumstances and definitely not the same level of responsibility.  He often was thought of as the conquering hero and words like conquest were often associated with his behavior.  

My daughter gave me a book titled “Getting Naked Again.”  In it, the author prepared the new single, from widow to divorcee, to face the new dating scene.  I thought she had to be kidding on some level.  Things could not of changed that much.  After all we are all still human, and there are physical consequences to playing a loose game, even if today women don’t have to hide the way they once did.  

So, here I am, desiring on some level to have those moments of intimacy with that special someone.  But here is where the dividing line occurs.  I cannot be a friend with benefits as they say.  I know some people can, but I am not one of them.  It is a vulnerability issue.  I have to have trust and a believe there is no intent to harm.  I had that for 45 years with Pat, who put me first in everything.  But I too, put him first in everything in my life.  There were times I didn’t feel like I deserved such unconditional love, but there was not one day while he was alive that I did not feel loved by him.

So someone please tell me, how we can go out, be that intimate and walk away as if we just shared a cup of coffee? I know some will be uneasy about this writing.  But this too is life and living the new life as a single person is something that many of us will face at one point or another.  I just wish I had the answers.