I am 70. Seven…zero…70! I use to think that 70 was ancient and one time believed I might not make this age. But here I am. Do you ever meet someone your age and find yourself asking, “Do I look that old?” What is being “old” mean? Is it how you look…how you feel…a combination of both? As I have entered this stage of my life I have discovered a lot about aging. Surviving it is a matter of attitude and good health. There is a song “Hello In There” more recently made famous by Bette Midler, written by John Prine, a song about the loneliness of aging. (Do yourself a favor and listen to John Prine’s original version of this song. I personally enjoy it as much as Bette Midler’s version!) After I was widowed, I felt that loneliness. Living 45 years as a partner in life but now feeling lost, alone and not part of anything and not wanting to lean to heavily on my children’s lives and disrupt their busy schedules, I became determined to find my way in this stage of my life. I reached back to that young spirited Marlene who ventured out into adulthood without a worry about anything that might go wrong.
It took awhile for me to find her, but I did. It was important to me, especially as a woman, to find my own way and to find joy in it. I have watched others walk this walk and have witnessed that the agony of being alone left them wanting and eventually settling in to wait their turn to die.
There was no way I was doing that. First I have good health and experience to know and recognize that good health is nothing to take for granted, I appreciate what a gift that is. Second, I had spent a life giving so much to others, that I realized this could be my time to discover and do the things I have always wanted to do but no time to do them.
The journey these last five years has been challenging at times. But I never gave up. I traveled alone when I could not find someone interested in going with me. I kept busy by volunteering at doing things I found fun. I kept myself open to meeting new people. I took classes to learn about something I was curious about. All these things that I did when I was 19 and starting my young adult life.
I have enjoyed my days and made many new friends, challenged myself to try things I have never tried before and found the courage to step outside the “box” and learn and do things not “usual” for my age (at least that is what I have been told!)
Yet, even with this spirit of living life to the fullest, and all the good things that I have discovered, that moment when you close the door to that good time and head home is still a reminder that I still stand alone. Although it can bring an ache of emptiness I am lucky that it does pass and a new day begins.
Living life as an “aged” person means accepting what life has dealt me, keep moving and being open to new experiences, meeting new people, not being afraid to step up or out, having the wisdom to live in the moment and find joy where I stand, all keeps me going forward and being glad for the opportunity to enjoy another day.
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