THE DRESS

As I mentioned in the past, I am working on a project that is providing me with an opportunity to relive my life through the pictures I have collected over the years.  This has taken me on a journey that is both a reminder of events and people that are no longer with me, and also of times and events that have caused pain.

We all have had those moments in our life that have seared a dark spot in our soul.  Eventually it may recede, but when you see a reminder through a photo, that moment can arise that makes you carry the feelings, as you did, those many long years ago.

Such a moment happened when I saw the photo of me in the print dress.  I must tell you, that in high school, my self esteem was way below a “zero” as it is for many students.  Nothing unusual.  I can only say I was not one of the “cool kids”.  My parents were what I call “working poor”, so dressing us in new clothes for school was not a family tradition.  I worked since I was in 8th grade to buy what few clothes I owned.  If things got torn, I would pin them.  I remember a moment when my Dad was so upset with the pins in my clothes that he ripped the outfit off my body and told me to put something else on.  The problem was, there was not a lot of something else to wear.  

So when my Aunt Berniece gave me a brown and white print dress that fit me perfectly I was in heaven.  I wore it a lot.  Too much it turns out.  I wore it to school at least once a week.  I happened to wear it on the day we had our school pictures taken.  In the mean time our school was preparing for our homecoming.  

Homecoming at Grant Community High School was a big event.  We had a parade in town with the school clubs and each class participating.  It was followed by a bon fire on school property that the senior football members spent the day gathering wood for.  The football game would be followed by a homecoming dance.

Now I never thought I would ever be asked to go to Homecoming, so I volunteered to work at the dance.  To my surprise I did get an invitation from a young man in my class to attend the dance with him.  I said yes but with the caveat that I had already committed to work at the dance.  To make things worse he also invited me to join his brother and his date after the dance before having to head home.

“Oh that is okay,” I said, “I have my Dad coming to pick me up.”

Now I realized in school, that all the girls going to the dance were out buying new dresses for the dance.  But we could not afford to buy me a new dress, and I did not have a job at the time, so I had to turn to my closet…and you guessed it…I decided to wear the brown and white print dress that I felt so good in.  

The evening was a disaster.  The poor boy spent most of his time at the dance waiting for me to stop working, and the little time left to spend at the dance was awkward to say the least.  It was a night we both wanted to forget.  Not because of him, but because I was such a dope.

A couple of weeks later, while sitting in study hall, (wearing that same brown and white print dress) our school pictures were handed out.  There I was, sitting in study hall next to the boy who asked me to the dance, looking at my school pictures of me wearing the same dress I wore the day the pictures were taken, and the dance, and as it went, the moment I was looking at my school pictures….when I heard him ask, “Is that the only dress you own?”

I was so embarrassed, that when I went home that day, I put the dress in the burn barrel and burned it along with the evening trash.  

I relived that moment every time i looked at him in school and prayed he would forget in time that he even knew me.  

I can laugh about it today.  But to a young girl, whose wings were just beginning to spread, it was a devastating moment that had to be carried inside of me for the rest of the school year.  In fact, I never attended any other school dance, not even my prom.  

How odd, it is to me, that the first picture taken of Pat and I was a snapshot taken during our first dance on the first day we met, not realizing that it was the first day of the rest of our life!  Now that is cause to smile!