Isn’t it funny how we are glad to see a year end and a new one begin? What is it about starting over? It is the one thing that our society invites us to do all the time. Every morning is a new day. Every 1st of the month is a new beginning. Every new year is a chance to start over.
Six years ago when I was grieving the loss of Pat, my best friend and husband of 45 years, I mentioned how I felt a bit overwhelmed at the thought that I alone was now totally responsible for every decision in my life. No more sharing…no more compromise. Just make a decision and move on…only wrapped in the fear of making a mistake. Then one day while driving using my GPS, I made a turn different from what the GPS wanted me to do and the GPS calmly announced. ”Recalculating.” It was then that I realized making a decision that didn’t work out was not a life-threatening moment…if something does not turn out, you just change direction and keep moving. Letting go of the fear of “what if” is step one and recalculating a new direction is step two.
Miranda and I had the joy of hearing Michelle Obama speak on her new book this past week. She said to all of us to embrace fear, for it can become the one roadblock that will bring failure and disappointment…and fear will come into and out of our life until our very last breath. “So learn early to see fear as a healthy step to change,” she said. “Embrace it,” she said.
Discovering love the second time around is sweet, kind and especially a surprise. While traveling on our 17,000-mile road trip, Dave and I met an 87-year-old woman who had recently lost her husband. For her whole life she wanted to camp…and so she was. In her car. We watched her set up a table with a cook stove, and prepare her evening meal. No tent…no camper…just her car and her little table. We saw her end her day by snuggling down into the car seat and sleep for the night. The next day we shared a meal with her and learned that she wanted to camp before she died. She didn’t want to leave anything on her wish list. In fact, on a recent cruise she had met a man who she fell in love with and when she returns to Vancouver, Canada, her home, he is going to join her and they are planning to be married. I walked away feeling her life lesson…that life isn’t over until you cannot breathe anymore! Embrace it, continue to make plans, dream and live it to the fullest! That is how I would describe this year.
I have had a chance to fulfill many of my wish-list items and even discover some wonderful moments that I didn’t know would make me feel so happy! The road trip with Dave was just that and more. We left the end of June and returned in October. We had no plans, no commitments, and every day was filled with spontaneous decisions. It was a joy to experience, yet when we both landed back home…H-O-M-E…it was a sweet moment. To walk in the familiar, feel the loving kind embrace of family and friends who missed us…to not feel lost or turned around, was a joy too. The trip Dave and I took together, made me appreciate my home and at the same time filled me with the knowledge that home is wherever your heart lands.
I cannot tell you what the new year will bring for me. The fact is I don’t care. During this past couple of years, I have learned to just embrace each day as a new beginning, a new adventure, and a new understanding of myself and what is important to me. I have also learned that you cannot make people love you if they choose not to, and you cannot force yourself into others lives if they won’t let you in and I have decided that is okay too. I will keep my myself open to all possibilities no matter where it takes me, or how it ends…for at the end, when my last breath leaves me, I know, at this moment, I have had the joy and privilege of experiencing the best of what life has to offer.
My happiness comes to me in my time with Dave, my family, friends, and especially my grandchildren. The joy of watching them grow into beautiful young adults, full of compassion and empathy for the world around them…sassy and spirited and with the connection to the family brings me more joy than I can possibly measure. Hearing my text buzz with a reach out that says, “Hi Gram. How are you?” fills my day with sunshine. Having the privilege of finding love the second time around with Dave is the sweet surprise of my life. And attending the wonderful events my children and grandchildren participate in allows me to celebrate life with them and I thank them for wanting me to be a part of it.
I wish for you all, the peace, joy, and celebration that fills your life with sweet surprises.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
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