Aging can be a bumpy road. As I watch and help my friend through her latest crisis…the first one she finds herself alone in after losing her husband, we share a lot about this time of life. I have mentioned in the past that I think the first one to die in a relationship is the lucky one. To be surrounded by your life partner, family or friends is a wonderful thing.
But when that partner is gone, there is a dynamic shift in one’s life. Children are no guarantee that someone will be with you in the hour of your greatest need. Especially in the society we live in.
But as I hover here and watch my friend, I recognize another lesson in life. Be flexible. Keep up your humor. And find gratitude in those that do step up and give you assistance.
Living in the community in which I do, I see those that are cranky beyond description, and it makes it hard to help someone like that. No matter what is done for them, it is not enough. Or they complain that this or that is not satisfactory. Eventually, anyone who steps up to help drifts away, frustrated because no matter what is given it is never enough.
Then there are others, like my neighbor and friend, whose gratitude sweeps you up and without burdening just one, each friend carries a small load, so it does not feel like a load at all to those who help. Both have a great sense of humor and can laugh at themselves while doing their best to push ahead with their own situation filled with acceptance and gratitude.
I once said to my daughter-in-law Kelly, “When I get old, if I become cranky, unreasonable, and hard to deal with, you can put me in a room and lock the door!” Without missing a beat, she responded, “Would you please put that in writing!” So I did.
“Dear future Marlene,
If you are reading this letter, it is because one of your children have approached you and said it is time to give up driving, or move in with someone, or go to a place where you can be watched…and you are probably saying no not yet…well, it is time to put your big girl panties on, put a smile on your face and be grateful that they care enough to look out for your wellbeing. So do as your are told, please.
Love,
Past Marlene
PS: Just in case you doubt this suggestion just remember the problems you encountered with your cranky friend.”
I mentioned this note to my son and his family while at dinner with them one night…when a phone call came in. I took it and then immediately forgot about it. A while later, Damian asked, “Who was it that called Mom?”
“Called? I don’t remember anyone calling”
“Mom,” he said with a shock, "you just got a call 20 minutes ago.”
I had to stop and think, and couldn’t remember the call. Then suddenly it came to me…”Oh, that call!” I said laughing.
My granddaughter Honor turned to me and said, “Gram, do we have to get that letter out already?”
Yes, aging can be a bumpy ride, but we can still laugh our way down the road!
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