Getting ready for bed last night, I broke out into hysterical laughter. What it takes to get through a regular days activities today as compared to when I was younger….well…let’s just say it is time consuming. Doctor appointments, funerals, and dealing with an aging body is what fills the time of most seniors today. Me included.
When i was young and had to go somewhere, I would just grab my keys to the car and take off. Didn’t think about anything except to count the heads of the kids with me and go. Today, I must lay everything out (so as not to forget anything), then make a potty stop just as I prepare to enter my car to leave.
With some luck, I might be able to do that errand and return without having to stop somewhere out in the world to do a potty stop again. If I am that lucky I almost always find myself scurrying into the house with my knees tight together so as not to drip and race to the bathroom. I remember Pat would often laugh at me as I would return from my errands, shouting, “I have to go will be with you in a moment” as I flew into the house, past him into the bathroom. Now and then I wouldn’t make it and I would get angry at his laughter as I was making right the mess I had created.
Another discovery about aging is that things are not as tight as they once were, and our pucker power is not as strong as it once was. Having gone in for some tests lately, I try and warn the techs who are dealing with me that my holding power is not as good as it once was. They usually try and assure me that everything will be fine. Inside my head I am thinking…yea fine…wait until you age! So they fill me up with water, tell me to hold it for a lot longer than I am able, and even make me move, roll over and sit up…all with potential disaster as my backdrop. It is embarrassing enough to have to get naked in front of these whips, but the torture chamber that I believe on some level they secretly enjoy putting us through is downright devastating to someone who is trying to preserve whatever dignity I may have left.
I remember a couple of years ago having to have a barium enema and again me telling them to please work as quickly as they could as my holding power is not what it use to be. Well they filled me up, let me lay on the table and with every muscle I had, I tried to hold it back while they snapped the pictures, rolling me on my left, then on my right. In the middle of the picture taking, another technician walked in and a conversation ensued. Not about me. About lunch and who was going where. All the while I was trying to breath slow and hold….breath and hold….deep breath….in and out….slowly….holding as tight as I could…and oh my God I am not going to make it! Needless to say their conversation was cut short.
I remember the day when bedtime came I just went in, washed my face, brushed my teeth, slipped into a gown, sprayed myself with a bit of cologne for my best beloved, slid under the covers and drifted effortlessly off to sleep.
Now I have to plan when to take my last meds of the day (because I need to have a bit of food in the belly), prepare my CPAP machine, put in my mouth guard (because the CPAP machine is causing me to grind my teeth and I cannot afford to break my front teeth), prepare the water for my night time dehydration (due to the CPAP machine), wrestle with the pillows to find the sweet spot where the elephant attached to my nose can be out of the way so I can sleep.
Oh how I miss the simple days…a youthful strong body, good pucker power, and the ability to move about the world with little thought except for where I was heading. There is one bright spot in all of this…I have a sense of humor about who I am today that I know I did not have years ago. Why if I didn’t enjoy a good laugh at all of this, then it would not be worth it!
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