CHANGE? WHAT CHANGE?

Marlene age 3

When I  ask someone, “What’s new?”

“Oh nothing, everything is the same ole same ole,” they say.

I know it is not the same ole—same ole.  You can’t tell them that.  But one only need to sit in front of a box of old photos to see how things have changed.  

Change happens every day in our lives.  We just don’t recognize it most of the time.  We go through each day filled with life’s activities and for the most part we don’t notice…until a “big change” occurs.  Then the world seems to stop, we catch our breath and then moment by moment try to get back on track with the living.

I found the following one day on my journey of learning on how to be single again:   “The universe had an odd sense of fairness; it took away things one did not want to give up, and then gave things one did not ask for.” — Laila Lalami

Marlene High School

Nothing more aptly describes the journey I have been on.  Getting use to the new cycle of this life has been a challenge to say the least.  But I find I push through it, keep moving, and when a moment comes that feels like it is going to overwhelm me I say, “Hell no!” and move out into the world and engage in conversations about nothing…everything…with anyone.  It helps.

This year has been one of those yo-yo years to say the least.  One moment I am excited to be doing something I once only dreamed about and the next the loneliness of the day chokes me until I almost cannot breath.  It is getting easier to live through each day.  I have learned how to handle those moments that seem to want to take me down, and when something great comes along, like the recent trip to the Grand Canyon, I do find extreme joy in the moments and adventure in the journey.  

Me making dinner for the family.

I am searching for that new way to feel connected while feeling alone in this universe.  I don’t know if it will ever come, but as long as I keep searching for that peace I live in hope.  In the end can I expect anything else?