Today I am a whiner! This is a tough week. So many happy/sad memories wrapped up with it. The joy of the beginning, the sadness of the starting of the end. I am trying hard to stay busy, and do things that are fun and full of life, yet I find while in the middle of it all, being surrounded by people I still feel isolated and alone. I hate this. I hate the way I am feeling. I have so much to be thankful for, but feeling it today is hard.
I found myself wishing that it had been me to be the first to go. How lucky was Pat to be the first one to die. He was surrounded by my love, advocacy and family. To be the survivor, I find that I wonder what my place is in life. Where do I belong? How much am I really loved? I don’t want to be a whiner, but I am today. I thought time and distance from the moment of departure would make life be easier to get through. But not this week. Not this day. Not this time.
I'll keep moving. Keep pushing on. And just like any memory, once this time passes and the heightened memory subsides, life will push on until the next time.
I hope.
Thinking of you :-)
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